Monday, September 07, 2009

Honestly.,

CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
- from Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

I guess, whatever I have now is only the result of what I prayed. God answers our prayers. I just realized that this "real world" I am into right now is just an answered prayer. I remember, during the latter part of year 2008, I asked God to grant me a job before Christmas,I even said "okay lang kung hindi masyadong high profile yung job and okay lang din na kahit sobrang hirap niya, basta ang mahalaga magkaroon ako ng work before Christmas. Hindi bale na pong mahirapan ako sa work basta po ang mahalaga may pag asa pa rin kami ni *** sa future". Gosh! so this is God's answer to what I prayed. I really cannot imagine myself sacrificing a lot just for that ONE person who never asked anything from me. I am so pathetic. I am so hopeless. I am so desperate! Now, there's no one to blame but me. I know I have only myself to blame. No one forced me to accept that work. My mom, at first, disapproved of it because PAL (Philippine Airlines) also invited me for an interview. Now, I can't help but feel so much regrets. I don't have any choice but to wait for the first year. This year has been so depressing, frustrating, and painful. Sometimes, I feel like I already experienced all the bad lucks that fate can offer. But on the other part of me, I am still hoping that my next work will never be like this. I mean, I just can't stand this kind of work. This is not for me and I already accepted that. Also, I will never, ever, trade the happiness and satisfaction that I can get from my work to that one person who never cared for me. I am not saying this to gain pity from people, I mean, let's just be honest, the saying, Love yourself first is true. Not to sound selfish, but, I guess, you will never know how to love until you love yourself.

Career has been my priority now. Ayoko ng masira at masayang lahat ng mga paghihirap ko noong College. Hindi naman ito ang pinangarap ko na career para sa sarili ko. Ang sakit na parang ang baba ng tingin sa'yo ng mga tao, ngayon ko ulit naranasan yung parang walang naniniwala sa'yo at nirereklamo ka pa sa mga pagkakamali mo. I understand this is part of the real world, But I am sorry, this is not what I hoped for. I am really looking forward for a fruitful career ahead. I am praying that in the near future, I will come face to face with my dream job.

Tama na muna yang pag-ibig, I guess, mom's right, it can wait.

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