Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I don't think I can provide a suitable title for this

Umiiyak na naman ako, but not at this very moment. There were tearful dawns again. (dawns? madaling araw! hindi gabi dahil madaling araw ako gising para mag-aral) Love songs make me remember him - the guy I loved so much but never have the courage to show or tell him how I feel. Who am I to admit my feelings anyway? Tell me how selfish I was when I loved him, I dare you to stay in my feet and you'd know how hurtful, painful, tearful, jarring and somewhat annoying to be in this situation. I just couldn't so anything to stop this pain, sabagay, it's my decision to love him, yeah, according to my orient facilitator, love's a decision, and because love's defined that way, it only means that it's my decision to get all of these tears and pain.When I loved him, I dared to face the challenges, I accepted the possible sacrifices, tears and all. Haay, pag-ibig nga naman, kasi naman, bakit hindi na lang made of stone ang heart ko (sam soon?!) haha! Behind the tears, nakukuha ko pang magbiro! Ganun lang naman kasi ako. Despite the pain, I can still manage to look up to myself and smile. SIguro nga, ngayon lang effective yung usual line ko before na "after him, wala na muna, hanggang sa kanya na lang muna, etc. etc." I guess, it's true now coz, I couldn't find myself liking another person. Nakakatawa, hindi naman kasi ako sobrang loyal kapag hindi rin ako love, after a while, nawawala, pero sa kanya, hindi, bakit kaya until now, siya pa rin?, btw, malapit na mag-one year since I had this feeling.
It's only last Friday since I realized that he was the first guy whom I loved like this, I never knew he was the first until I found myself doing everything just to be with him, or see him in little terms. I thought it was really ** whom I loved so much because I had no doubts when it comes with him but my friend's right in saying that you couldn't love a person that much if you don't really know him., and that's it, I had little infornation about him because we had a short meeting and we had a short, . I don't know if you could call that friendship.

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