Friday, December 23, 2005

Sentiments

After Him,
I couldn't see any other guy like him,
he was rare, he was once a challenge,
he was once a pain, a hurt, the root of all tears falling
and even embedding from within
I never thought I could move on as easy as this. After he ignored me, I told myself to stop dreaming of him. He brought a lot of good things and I was thankful for that but like some incidents some good things never last and that was what happened to me. When he came I was so merry. I felt like i was on the zenith of joy but when he was gone, all those smiles and laughter turned into a room of tears that later on turned into a one big realization that this might be what God planned for the two of us. Like what I told God in one of my prayers:
Kung ito po ang plano Niyo para sa amin, maluwag ko pong tatanggapin
II. I wasn't sure if I was ready to love Again
When some of my friends and I got to see each other last Wednesday, I had this short but very sensible talk with one of my closest guy friends whom I fondly call "BRO"
ME: Bro may sasabihin ako sa iyo
BRO: Ikaw pumunta dito
ME: Parang bumabalik yung kay ano
inipigilan ko pero bakit ayaw mawala?
Dati nawala tapos bumalik na naman. Ang hirap nito.
BRO: Alam mo, the more na pigilan mo sarili mo, lalong
hindi nangyayari. Bayaan mo na lang na ganyan.
ME: Ganon ba yun?
Maybe bro was right coz I tried to keep myself from liking that one person many times before but that wasn't successful coz I used to go back to him again and again. When our communication line somehow got interrupted, I thought my feelings for him would subside but I was wrong. Until now, I scrupulously keep my feelings for him because I was so scared that he'd leave me without any further explanation like ******** who disappeared like a bubble. Whenever people ask me who I like, I used to say there was no special guy for me right now, but, truth was, I was just scared to admit that I like this person but I knew that this would just lead to nothing.
Ayoko lang kumalat kasi hindi talaga pwede at lalong hindi dapat dahil may mga masasaktan.
Another thing was, I knew myself a lot, and it seemed that I wasn't ready to give myself another chance to fall in love, at this point.
As for now, I just let it be this way, after all, only few know the truth and this was somehow right to keep things flow smoothly.

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