Thursday, November 24, 2005

I Couldn't Think of a Suitable Title

I thought I was ready to let him go out of my system. I didn’t expect that he was still the same guy I knew. I though he already changed because I haven’t heard anything from him for quite some time. I was so unfair to think of negative things against him. I even thought he did forget me already; that he ignored me all the way; that I was damn nothing for him; that he could be happy and simply move around even without me,,,and so on. I was awfully unfair. I didn’t consider him being busy due to university life.

Although I may sound confusing because of the two guys I mentioned on my previous blogs, please don’t be deceive by them that may cause you to think that I was a minx or whatsoever synonym for flirt that you know. I was just confused with my situation.

Last Sunday, I phoned a friend to greet her in advance (Her Birthday was Last Monday, November 21), here were some lines from our conversation. ( I changed them into English and I even paraphrased them.)

FRIEND: I know that it’s not ******** you really like. You’re just acting like that
Because you know that ****** loves _____________ and you’re jealous.

ME: I don’t know. Maybe. But I’m not mad of____________, and this is the first time.
She’s really kind and I can’t make myself to get mad at her.

FRIEND: It’s not her fault to be loved by ******.

I guess my friend was right to say those words. I’m acting like I’m paranoid because of my way of thinking. I guess, I used to say I love ******** because I was hurt with the other guy, and maybe the reason why I used to say I love ******** again because of the fact that he was my first true love and he was the reason why I started to like and eventually love the other.

Maybe it was really guy 2 whom I like right now. I wasn’t sure of it, maybe in time, I’d figure out who it was.

I would want to enjoy tracking back in time, cherishing the memories I had with my first true love who transformed my normal life into something I couldn’t explain. My first true love changed my life in a blink when I was five years younger than a twenty-year-old woman. I would want to enjoy looking back on how my first true love enchanted me with his disarming looks.

More so, I also want to enjoy the other guy’s funny personality and comforting company.

For the mean time, I would want to prioritize my goal of wanting a university life. That’s what really matters to me now.

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