Friday, September 02, 2005

I'm noT Okay

I might sound like I'm paranoid, but there were really some things that couldn't be explained here, coz It was kinda personal.
I might got a wrong impression for what were happening in me now, i tried to understand and keep things flow normally as they were,but no matter how i tried to keep my patience and understanding always on my mind, there were really things na 'nakakapuno' as what we usually say in Filipino. I thought nothing will change after some time but how could you describe the things that were happening now?! Wasn't just being busy or should we say 'nakakalimot?'
Busy 'din ako' sometimes, but I always try to put things as they were before.
How I wish things would go back to normal. But I don't think now would be the perfect time for it. I wanted to think and think. I wanted to reflect. I need to be alone and cry.

This was another thing. He was the guy I never asked to be given to me. I never thought we would have once this what so called 'links'/'link' through people whom we both know and who knows us too, talking about common people between us!I thought texting/messages on a friendly community would be enough to let him consider me as a friend which I was once asked of him. Yes, I asked him if we could be friends I thought he agreed, all this time I thought I was his friend, but it was the irony. He never considered me as his friend. Wat was left now was pain. He caused so much pain and tears. I was about to say that my waiting was over because I became closer to him in matters of distance but it turned out the same phrase, "my waiting was over because I have to let him go". My tears were enough to say that I shouldn't loved him truly. My battle against the pain he caused me was over. But until now, I was in a battle with another person. And that was with Mr. Someone Important.

After my battle against 'mr perfect guy to love', it was mr. someone important's turn. He was the person I never thought I would like. He was just an ordinary person who passed by. I don't want him to hurt me coz I have just recovered with another person, but I don't know what was God had planned. I don't want him to hurt me 'sana' but I guess, I was on the right track to say that he was starting to hurt me, him not knowing. I tried to keep myself from liking him coz I knew where this would lead and after all, I would never have the courage to admit my real feelings for him. But, 'and2 na to'I guess, 'wala na naman akong magagawa' to help myself.

'bakit hindi ako hinahayaang maging happy?' I couldn't tell what was wrong. I never dreamed of being in this situation. I wanted to be loved with the person I really dreamed. I wanted things to go back to normal, pero bakit anong nangyari? I never asked so much material things, but where were my gems now?


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